Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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