So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
