i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
