Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
His nipple licking is glorious
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