First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He has the fingertips of a God
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