look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
