i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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