i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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