He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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