Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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