i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
