Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize