..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize