New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
