he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
