She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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