Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So drunk its hurt
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
