his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
