Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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