I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He shit in the fireplace
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
