i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
