Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
