i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
