So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
