OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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