Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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