I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You're like the curious george of whores
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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