This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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