he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
