i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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