Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
