You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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