At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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