The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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