Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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