I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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