What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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