I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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