just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
