just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
