he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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