Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
