tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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