she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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