I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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