chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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