You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
