worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
