but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
