If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
