I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
