He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize
