We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
