dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
