But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
