I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
