Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
