I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
