its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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