Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
my sisters under your porch take her home
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I need to calm my uterus...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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