he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
