You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
