You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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