Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Randomize
