I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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