You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
