it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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